How to Survive a Kid Boss

When her fiftysomething boss died and was replaced by a 34-year-old, Gwen Fellows' job changed completely. The 56-year-old communications specialist at a New York CPA firm says her former boss understood Fellows' abilities and work preferences.

"When she hired me, she noted that she was happy to be hiring someone seasoned in the business world who had a grasp of the big picture," Fellows says. "She also said that she wanted someone poised enough to meet with the partners on their own without hand-holding or direction. She understood that I was conscientious and a professional, meaning that I would get the job done even if it meant staying all night, and she didn't need to check up on me every 10 minutes."

Fellows says she's still getting used to working for a new boss who hovers constantly.

"She seems not to understand that I don't need to have someone checking up on me," Fellows says, "and that ... it impedes my ability to function at times. And whenever I make a suggestion, she thinks I'm being condescending, which I'm not."

As more baby boomers like Fellows choose to stay in the workplace longer, the older worker/younger boss dynamic is becoming more prevalent. "Boomers are planning to stay in the work force longer than the generations before them for economic reasons and because they want to keep contributing, they like the intellectual stimulation and the socializing at work," says Phyllis Weiss Haserot, a consultant and writer specializing in workplace inter-generational relations and president of Practice Development Counsel. "But they can't be leaders forever."

For some over-40 workers, surviving a kid boss can be a difficult prospect. Here's why -- and how to make it work.

Overcoming Obstacles

Sometimes, landing a job working for a younger boss can be the biggest challenge of all, says Cheryl Heisler, president of Lawternatives, a consulting firm for lawyers who want to change careers.

People over 40 are less likely than other workers to be unemployed. But once middle-aged workers lose a job, it typically takes longer for them to find new positions.

"Many of my clients in transition are disheartened by the perception that an older worker won't or can't support someone younger," Heisler says. "The best advice I can offer is to impress your future employer with your ability to work as part of a team and willingness to do whatever it takes to get a job done."

Clashing Expectations

When middle-aged people are given the chance to work for a younger boss, the situation can offer older workers an opportunity to remain in the workplace without shouldering as much responsibility. But it also can present a new set of workplace challenges.

"It is potentially difficult for an older worker to have a younger boss because both older and younger typically make assumptions about the other's attitudes, capabilities, level of experience, willingness to see things differently, and willingness to try new things including new technology, level of judgment and maturity," Haserot says.

"They may have different communication styles as well as preferences about tools to use. They may have differing definitions of teamwork, different expectations about the amount and type of feedback and flexibility about work style. They may have different visions for the organization, somewhat relating to the expected time frame they see for themselves staying at the organization and the amount of history they have with the organization and its culture."

Those preconceived judgments and differing expectations can translate into miserable working conditions.

Making It Work

If you've landed a job with a younger boss, you can make your life easier by relating to your new supervisor carefully, according to Fellows and Haserot. They offer these suggestions for building a positive relationship with a younger boss:

1. Communicate effectively. "Keep an open dialogue and an open mind," Fellows says. "Be sure that you are clear and respectful of their style, even if you have to take the high road at times, such as when he or she thinks they know more than you in instances when they don't. Always be sure they know that your suggestions are meant to be helpful, not that it's because you think you can do something better."

2. Don't focus on age. Avoid reminding everyone of the age difference between you and your boss, Heisler says. Instead, keep the focus on goals and the work at hand.

3. Get to know your boss -- and his or her generation. "Participate in outside activities with a lot of cross-generational conversation so you will get more comfortable with what to say and how to say it and what to expect," Haserot says. "Remember that the younger boss may feel equally or more uncomfortable at first, so take a nonthreatening attitude and work out your ground rules together."

4. Focus on positives. With a younger boss in charge, you can stay in the workplace without shouldering as much responsibility, and help build the future of your organization and the work force. "The Gen Xers behind them need to get the chance to be in charge, or they will leave for better opportunities," Haserot says. "The Gen Yers are ambitious to be promoted and don't want to wait around if they think they have ideas and skills."

Like every relationship, your relationship with a younger boss is a two-way street -- and its success depends on the boss's willingness to work people of different ages and experience levels. Says Haserot, "The best management styles today are collaborative, not command and control."

Tell us: How do you deal with generational differences at your workplace? Comments are welcome below.

SecondAct contributor Nancy Mann Jackson is a freelance journalist who writes regularly about career and workplace issues. She lives in Alabama.