'Out Late' Looks at Gays Coming Out After 50

A while back, I wrote this blog post about what I think is one of 2011's best movies -- Beginners, a romantic tragicomedy, which, in part, tells the story of Hal, a retiree played by Christopher Plummer, who after his wife's death decides to come out of the closet at age 75 and finally live the life that he's never before dared to experience. Hal's enthusiastic but awkward exploration of the male gay subculture -- at one point, he phones son Oliver (Ewan McGregor) from a gay disco to ask him the name of the sort of music he's dancing to -- makes for wonderful comic moments in the film. But it also led me to wonder: What would it be like at midlife -- or older -- to suddenly come to the realization that for most of your life you'd been keeping up a front, and that you'd never openly been who you really are?

If that same question was on your mind after you left the theater, you should watch Out Late, a 2008 documentary by Beatrice Alda and Jennifer Brooke that has just become available in DVD format. Out Late looks at a handful of real-life versions of Hal, men and women, ranging in age from their fifties to eighties.

All of them spent decades trying to live a heterosexual lifestyle, even to the extent of marriage and raising conventional nuclear families, before finally having their life-changing epiphany.

"In those days, you just didn't come out," explains Elaine Weber, who grew up in rural Pennsylvania in the 1930s with a distinct attraction to other girls, but nevertheless married a man at 24. She stuck with the relationship for more than half a century, though she says her husband was unfaithful, and she also had a brief fling with another married woman. The marriage, she explains in the film, "was a security blanket." But she also saw herself as having no other option. Lacking the education to earn a good living on her own, she feared she would be unable to support herself and her two sons. Worse yet, "he could have taken the kids away from me."

Finally, after her husband's death, Weber, who had relocated to Ocala, Fla., had the realization at 79 that she finally was free and actually could emulate the lifestyle that she'd only experienced vicariously by watching the Showtime series The L Word. But figuring out how to do it in conservative Central Florida wasn't easy. That's one significant difference between Hal's fictional world in west Los Angeles and the real-life experiences of the characters in Out Late. Many live in places where their sexual orientation is still frowned upon by many of their neighbors and age-group peers, and where gay people protect themselves by keeping a low profile.

In Weber's case, she finally broke through by approaching a pair of women that she noticed buying groceries in the local supermarket, and boldly asked if they were partners. When the women acknowledged that they were, Weber responded, "Good! You're the gals I need to see!" and then explained her predicament. Eventually, Weber's extroverted personality and gift for gab paid off. She found a social niche for herself, attending events such as the Silver Threads Celebration, an annual gathering in Florida for lesbians age 50 and over. Finding an eligible potential partner in her age group proved more difficult, but in the film, Weber resolutely continued her search. (BTW, if you're interested in reading more about Weber, here's a profile of her from SheWired.com.)

Another intriguing character in the documentary is Walter Rothenburger, a Canadian man who came out at 60 a bit reluctantly after he was asked to participate in a panel discussion on homosexuality at the church he'd attended for years. He considered declining, out of fear his fellow churchgoers might shun him if they discovered his secret nature. But he ultimately found the strength to not only speak, but also to reveal his sexual orientation publicly for the first time. As it turned out, Rothenburger's fears were for naught; his religious community, for the most part, warmly supported him.

Viewers also get the chance to meet Rothenburger's partner, Bill Bartlett. The two men met at a quilting group, where Bartlett was attracted not by a sexual vibe, but by Rothenburger's virtuoso artistry with a needle and thread. Subsequently, the filmmakers show the two men spending a quiet evening in their home, working on a quilt together.

That scene, in a way, is the thing I liked the most about Out Late. It's not one of those visually striking, edgy documentaries that rocks your world with startling, emotionally tumultuous images, and the filmmakers don't push their subjects to the edge of an abyss for the sake of dramatic tension. (I could have done without the film's soundtrack music, a mix of squishy-soft, Splenda-flavored alt-rock and country ballads that would fit better in TV commercials for arthritis remedies and managed-care providers.) What is striking about the film's subjects and their lives is that they're not part of some revolutionary bohemian avant-garde, but are utterly ordinary 50-plus Americans (or, in Rothenburger's and Bartlett's case, Canadians) whom you might run into perusing the bins at the Dollar Store. Their major aspiration seems to be having a stable, loving relationship and enjoying life's mundane but satisfying little pleasures, such as singing in church or sipping an iced tea on the patio with the neighbors.

Out Late isn't an exciting film, but if you're a straight person struggling to understand the gay subculture, it's an important film to see.

Here also is an insightful 2010 Associated Press article about the apparent trend of people coming out of the closet in midlife and older.

And finally, here's the trailer: